VintagePorn.club

Take a trip down memory lane and enjoy a huge collection of retro porn!

Never in my plenitude of dorkdom have I been as ravished by pixels as I walked through the nostalgic gates of vintageporn.club. Buckle up, buckle down and get ready for a deep-dive that would make Jacques Cousteau blush. This place is less of a club and more of a time capsule. Think of it as the Tardis from Doctor Who, but instead of travelling to different millennia, you zip back and forth between the most sensuous decades: the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s.

Who knew what they were up to back then, besides tree-hugging and bell-bottoming? Apparently, getting down and dirty with a certain flair that makes you appreciate the classic theatrics of retro erotica. Trust me, this curated collection left me hotter than a car seat in Phoenix (which is probably where most of this stuff was shot before the Internet existed).

The videos are like a fine wine; they get better with age. You’ll witness the physical manifestation of the phrase “they don’t make ‘em like they used to.” Even the mustaches seem to participate in the action. Not to mention, the hairstyles that scream “asn’t that Madonna’s ‘Like a Virgin’ look?” Or was it more like “FX budget of Star Trek”? I’m just asking for a friend.

In all seriousness though, the navigation is as smooth as a Tom Cruise pick-up line, every click leading you to another timeless masterpiece. So fumbling around is as easy as a Saturday night at Barry Manilow’s house. Load times are as fast as an Olympic sprinter on a sugar rush, and you thought Usain Bolt was quick.

Anyway, folks, if you’re looking for a departure from the usual adult Fairfax of barely legal teens and pool boys, then vintageporn.club is like winning the sexual lottery – the only time you’ll be happy to yell, “bingo!” Pair up your scotch, put on your best Hugh Hefner robe, and take a journey back in time when the sex was as wild as a Rolling Stones hotel room.

I’m your Porn Dork, signing off but remember this, dear readers, the best thing about the past is that… it’s all been neatly converted into digital format for your viewing pleasure. Welcome to nostalgia nights, where the past is always present. Just don’t forget your safe internet practices - always remember, scrub your history, just like the people at vintageporn.club scrubs their 8mm reels.