Top PORN by the PornDork
Hello, fellow addicts of adult entertainment. I am Porn Dork, and according to UrbanDictionary, I am a human whose sexual development and sexuality have been formed by Internet porn and knows every top porn site in the world.
Please, don’t worry about me; besides having rock-hard forearms, vision problems, and a hunched back from carrying my massive intellect around, nothing else is wrong with me. I am, some might say, a superior being. Of course, I am. They also say that sitting in front of a computer with one hand on the mouse and the other on the cock isn’t a lifestyle everyone should aspire to achieve, but I beg to disagree! I am, after all, better than my haters. I sacrifice my spare time and health only for you – is what I would say if I were not me. And I am me. Now.. honestly, I do it because I love porn and I want to bring you the best there is; if I could, I would put myself on a diet regime consisting only of Internet porn. Some sort of a spiritual journey, where at the end I discover the ultimate porn. Unfortunately, the human race has not yet achieved greatness, so occasionally, I have to pause my wank sessions to eat a serving of deluxe microwaved instant noodles my mum has prepared for me. Stop calling me Tony mom, that is my mortal name! I’m the Porn Dork, first of its name, knower of all top porn, free or paid.
I don’t review every website; I have better things to do – focusing on porn and sharing it with fellow porn addicts. Nobody wants to read long texts with a dick in their hand, so I provide you with a simple choice: read the summary and visit the website or dive in the porn review and enjoy my excellent writing skills. I start every day the same way I end it – by masturbating furiously while exploring numerous HD porn sites, on multiple screens, until I pass out. I won’t stop until I am completely drained. Why? Because I don’t want you to spend your time browsing the Internet in search of a decent porn site, because I already reviewed them all! THEY ARE ALL HERE! What I want you to find the best porn sites immediately and focus on having fun.
There was a time when people around me tried to suppress my love for porn. Many addiction centers have been attempting to “cure” my “problem,” but their diagnosis remains the same – incurable and, might I add, perfect. My parents fear that they will never become grandparents, which is why they tried to arrange a couple of dates for me. Fools… they are fools to think that I would leave any of my multiple girlfriends from Chaturbate. You might have heard the story of a man who sued his parents over destroying his porn collection; well, take a wild guess who that man was…..
Nothing can break my will, I will review every porn in the world. One way or another, I am going to leave my mark on this world! I’m the one to go if you want top 5, top 10, top 20, top 100 porn sites, I got them all well organized and with a deep knowledge behind it, and I’ve been on top of my game every year.
Why I deserve your trust?
I am the type of person who gives the things he loves a hundred percent, for free! I might go a week or two without showering, but I can’t go an hour without jerking off. I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of the Premium Porn, you will cum today!
I love stumbling upon a top porn site that I’ve never seen (which is a rarity) and getting to know it better. I enjoy learning about it by seeing how fast it can make me blow my load. On the other hand, the websites that don’t make me coat my keyboard with cum swiftly get discarded. You are probably aware of the serial masturbator known as theporndude, because while you were looking for me, you unfortunately landed on his website. And yeah… you read that right; he still uses ”the” like it’s 1999 all over again. He seems to have copied most of my ideas when building his site. That’s strange, perhaps he is a freakin’ mindreader and used all the ideas I had in my head when he built his website. One thing is for sure, and that is that I’ll keep a close eye on that shady guy. Yeah, I guess I’ll have to do just that.
As you probably know by now, I live and breathe porn. I exercise my forearms multiple times per day by browsing through thousands of different adult sites. Imagine a stockbroker sitting in front of multiple screens monitoring the stock markets, and giving financial advice – that’s me, but I do a service that is of more value to the community; I monitor the most popular porn sites and advise you which one is worth visiting and also bring newcomers. I have plenty of hands-on experience when it comes to the world of adult entertainment. I can clearly remember waiting for five minutes for one photo of Pamela Anderson to load while clutching my dick and cursing the US Robotics Sportster 14,400 Fax modem for being slow. I’ve been fascinated by Internet porn since its inception, and my appetite for it has only grown ever since.
I assure you that I know the difference between a premium porn site and a crap one – I visited all of them, from the highest-rated websites to… not so great platforms. I am like a search engine for porn, but I am not an AI that organizes porn sites based on an algorithm that can be gamed; I am Porn Dork, and I make sure that the porn sites on my top porn list offer you plenty of masturbatory fun. All of the platforms on my porn list have been rigorously tested, and only the best porn sites make it there!
If you need a guide who avoids bad porn sites like women avoid Bill Cosby, then I am your man!