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Hello, fellow addicts of adult entertainment. I am Porn Dork, and according to UrbanDictionary, I am a human whose sexual development and sexuality have been formed by Internet porn.
Please, don't worry about me; besides having rock-hard forearms, vision problems, and a hunched back, nothing else is wrong with me. Some might say that sitting in front of a computer with one hand on the mouse and the other on the cock isn't a lifestyle everyone should aspire to achieve, but I beg to disagree!
I sacrifice my spare time and health only for you – is what a liar would say. Honestly, I do it because I love porn; if I could, I would put myself on a diet regiment consisting only of Internet porn. Unfortunately, the human race has not yet achieved greatness, so occasionally, I have to pause my wank sessions to eat a serving of microwaved food my mother has prepared for me.
I don't review websites; I have better things to do – focusing on porn and sharing it with fellow porn addicts. Nobody wants to read long texts with a dick in their hand, so I provide you with a simple porn-browsing experience. I start every day the same way I end it – by masturbating furiously while exploring numerous porn sites. I don't stop until I am completely drained. I don't want you to spend your time browsing the Internet in search of a decent porn site – I want you to find the best porn sites right here!
There was a time when people surrounding me tried to suppress my love for porn. Many addiction centers have been attempting to "cure" my “problem,” but their diagnosis remains the same – incurable. My parents fear that they will never become grandparents, which is why they tried to arrange a couple of dates for me, but they are fools to think that I would leave any of my multiple girlfriends from Chaturbate.
You might have heard the story of a man who sued his parents over destroying his porn collection; well, take a wild guess who that man was, yours truly the Porn Dork! None of those things had managed to break me and force me to give up on my porn-loving lifestyle.
Why I Deserve Your Trust
I am the type of person who gives the things he loves a hundred percent! I might go a week or two without showering, but I can't go an hour without jerking off.
I love stumbling upon a porn site that I've never seen (which is a rarity) and getting to know it better. I enjoy learning about it by seeing how fast it can make me blow my load. On the other hand, the websites that don't make me coat my keyboard with cum swiftly get discarded.
You are probably aware of the serial masturbator known as theporndude.com. Yep, you read that right; he still uses ”the” like its 1999 all over again. He seems to have copied most of my ideas when building his site. That’s strange, perhaps ”The” PornDude is a freakin' mindreader and used all the ideas I had in my head when he built THEporndude.com. One thing is for sure, and that is that I’ll keep a close eye on that shady guy. Yeah, I’ll guess I’ll have to do just that.
As you probably know by now, I live and breathe porn. I exercise my forearms multiple times per day by browsing through thousands of different adult sites. Imagine a stockbroker sitting in front of multiple screens monitoring the stock market, and giving financial advice – that's me, but I do a service that is of more value to the community; I monitor porn sites and advise you which one is worth visiting.
I have plenty of hands-on experience when it comes to the world of adult entertainment. I can clearly remember waiting for five minutes for one photo of Pamela Anderson to load while clutching my dick and cursing the USRobotics Sportster 14,400 Fax modem for being slow. I've been fascinated by Internet porn since its inception, and my appetite for it has only grown ever since.
I assure you that I know a difference between a fantastic porn site and a shitty one – I visited all of them. I am like a search engine for porn, but I am not an AI that organizes porn sites based on an algorithm that can be gamed; I am Porn Dork, and I make sure that the porn sites on my list offer plenty of masturbatory fun. All of the sites on my list have been rigorously tested, and only the best porn sites make the list.
If you need a guide who avoids shitty porn sites like women avoid Bill Cosby, then I am your man.